Almost a year later, I still have these dreams. I don’t know where they come from, but I know why I have them. Now, I’m beautiful, vain, and…still not quite happy and there. I’ve known this for some time, but a drive to Fullerton put things in perspective. Last year, I faked my death. Realistically, I didn’t die, or else I wouldn’t be able to post this long treatise. I feel I committed a grave crime in not living my life in good faith. And there’s a special place in hell for people who don’t operate in good faith. Since the grass is much greener on the other side, I thought of what the other Anthony would be doing now if he was present. After all, I didn’t get what I came for originally, so there’s the possibility that he would’ve succeeded where I have so far failed. And more or less, he’d be pissed he didn’t get more time to work out the offense. If he’s anything like me, I’m sure he’d be pissed, which is why I plan on writing a novel about it.
Back to Fullerton…I met a girl. We were hitting it off. And then, I reminded her of her adoptive father. Aside: I was on another recent date, and the girl said that I reminded her of someone from up north. I know what my personality is, so if I hear that I remind a girl of someone, I know the date is over. And, it was a most unmerciful end on both parts. You can’t go from being all over a guy and saying “sure, let’s do something” to “yeah, I think we’d make awesome friends.” What is the fascination with girls and wanting to remain friends after a bad date? Part of it, I believe is that girls don’t know it was a bad date. The other part is, I make a good friend. And I equate having a female friend to having a Ferrari in the garage, but not being able to drive it. A test drive would be nice, no matter how brief. I have a ton of Ferraris at the moment, and I’ve been trying to sell them off. Hell, I’ve been also trying to sell off my friends as well. When you hold people to lower standards and they constantly fail to live up to them, I grow a perturbed demeanor. You can’t make people grow up, but you sure as hell can piss them off where they can walk away from you, or come back apologetically. Usually, the latter happens. It is never wise to insult the girl I’m interested in when you previously dated the biggest cunt in our social circle. Yes, I used the word cunt. I’m not the only one who has used that line to describe her. That was the most egregious example of a lack of common sense, but it also explains why if I get a girlfriend, she won’t be exposed to all of my friends. And someone was irritated when I implied that he’s a significant part why I hold that belief. I can embarass you all I want, which shows you don’t have standards. I, on the other hand, have high standards as to what I will tolerate and what will get you excommunicated. But then…sigh, I have to find a girlfriend first for that to make any sense.
The new me thinks that perhaps the old rickety tour bus perhaps wasn’t the worst bus way to travel. Skibbedebebop. Much later
Current Track – Queen “Fat Bottomed Girls”