Feast and Famine

When you serve your country, you fight with every last breath to ensure victory. Sometimes, victory is easy. Sometimes, victory is unattainable. And sometimes, victory comes at a steep price that makes you want to redefine “Pyrrhic Victory.” But, we play to win the game. And until the game is won, we keep playing. At all costs.

Last week, I had something of a swoon. I couldn’t lose if I tried. But, I didn’t try. I’ve come to grips with the idea that I’ll have to manufacture any opportunity I receive. I was graced with knowledge and charisma; everything else wasn’t available. Knowing this, a little bit of work, a bit of ingenuity, and an overflow of willpower combine to form success. Three dates with three different girls. Fun stuff. Lots of fun. This week, those opportunities have essentially came and went. Par for the course, none of the resulting situations were my fault, unless you’ll account for my bad luck being my fault. I genuinely can’t express my disdain for the situation, because those words haven’t been created yet. On the other hand, I could probably whip up another streak and be happy until it crumbles.

The ongoing joke about my salsa retirement is that I’m not truly retired. To these beliefs, I say “nay”. I began dancing just as a way to meet girls, date them, pair up, get married, et cetera. Yeah, didn’t happen. It’s easy for me to compartmentalize my feelings about the people I’ve met, because my preference wasn’t to meet them; my purpose was to end bachelorhood. Yes, I have friends, but I also had friends before I became a dancer. I didn’t join salsa for friends, since I joined for girlfriends. Walking away from my natural talent doesn’t give me consternation. Sure, I would have loved to see how my former club does, but I would get involved in the politics without the romance, and that’s not my interest. One friend said that I enjoyed being better than people too much to walk away. That same friend drinks the wrong Kool-Aid. Some people want to be the best; I want to be the best if it serves a practical cause. There’s no point in continuing when the misery doesn’t cease. I’m not the kind of person that would overstay my welcome if I didn’t believe progress was being made. That said, I have no problem stepping away from the environment I built. The last few events have made me quite uncomfortable with the status quo, and I’m less excited about the future. Talent comes and goes, but the hunt doesn’t end until I find what I want. Unfortunately, I won’t find that in salsa, and my competitive streak is more than satisfied with Tekken. Skibbedebebop. Much later.

Current Track – Snoop Dogg “Knocc ‘Em Down”