Thinking Thin

I’m not dead. Now, contrary to what people seem to believe, I’m still alive. However, I’m not the person who I was. In fact, I’m a shell of my former self…or I came out of a shell. Maybe a silhouette? Whatever, I had to answer the one question that’s been on my desk. No, it’s not the whole being single/how to fix it goal, but a question. What would it be like if I was thin? I went to drastic measures for what I did, but I’m not nearly as ashamed as I probably should be.

Shame? No, not the movie with Michael Fassbender.

I’ve had a vanity project in mind for years, but I never had the opportunity to see it happen. Due to circumstances, and a certain event approaching (Wrestlemania XXVIII in Miami Gardens, FL), I went through with my plan. The results have been nothing short of remarkable. Yet, there was the notion of how to explain my absence while I did what I did. Hence, I faked my death with assistance from a couple friends. How did I fake my death? Facebook. The social experiment is a runaway success to say the least, in my experience. The story goes “Anthony was jogging up north, but got hit by a Nissan Leaf because he couldn’t hear the engine while he wore headphones”. But yeah, I’m sticking to extra medium shirts (DOUCHEBAG!) and turning up my personality a notch. No, I didn’t think that was possible, but when I started blaming society for who I am, what I’ve become, and why did what I did, I make a very formidable heel. Not antihero; I’m a certifiable heel now.

I didn’t want to do what I did, but you people MADE me do it. I was a victim. I did what was asked, stood in on meetings I didn’t want to attend, and saved lives at the cost of my sanity.

Pretty good, eh? I’ve been hitting people with that for weeks. When school resumes, I’m quite certain that I won’t be making any more friends. Speaking of making friends, I was at a salsa social and a girl told me she originally didn’t like me because I was an asshole to her. She came around when she noticed I was an asshole to everyone. Funny, that wasn’t part of my gimmick change, but mere common sense. Acquired taste, perhaps, but still common sense.

I do wonder now, what would high school and undergrad have been like if I had my current physique. Shallow isn’t a word I wanted attached to me, but the rest of the world does value appearance over other stuff. Or I think it does. No one ever said I looked great big, but I’ve received nothing but compliments in the last few weeks. The mind, the car, now the body…everything’s clicking on all cylinders now. Still, I take a knee at night and wonder what things would’ve been like if certain people were around, namely Pippa. I’m a different person mentally, sure as hell physically, and I figured how to upgrade an already formidable package. It feels weird knowing what lengths I was willing to go to take a knee on the other team’s side of the field. To show the world I was more than a punchline. The first 23 years were a test drive; year 24 is where it all begins again. Skibbedebebop. Much later.

Current Track – Jimmy Buffett “Fins”