Precipice of Caring

I know I’ve had a good day when I deliver a drop toe hold to an imaginary adversary, float over for a submission, then raise my hand in fake triumph. Damn, I could be going crazy, but no jury would ever convict me. At least, not while I have this bomb strapped to my chest.

Tomorrow is my last active day in Long Beach as an undergraduate, and I could not be more excited or underwhelmed for the culmination of…something special, I reckon. I check my course roster fanatically, and I’m happy to say that I am currently at 80% enrollment, with two classes at capacity. I wonder if I could do something nerdy before my first day of teaching, like come to the school at night, like take a seat in my classroom in the dark, watching illusions of my students sitting intently. Then, a friend or a girl (preferably the latter) would come in and ask “are you ready for this?” I’d curtly respond, “sure. This is only the first day of the rest of my life.” After a few minutes more of idling, we’d leave as the camera fades to black. Scene.

I’ve made it a point to not get too emotionally invested in insults levied my way, because I’ve made a career of such behavior. In fact, I’ve embraced my heeldom to an extent that makes people nervous, especially the term “asshole.” There’s nothing like stretching, getting loose, while hearing the chant “asshole” rain down upon me. However, certain people saying it can annoy me. My sister is one of those people. I get offended by people who I’ve come in direct contact with who aren’t nearly as talented as me. When a few people at school claim to be better dancers and they can’t keep the beat, I draw a scowl. When people say I can’t lead and they stay in charge with my blessing, I draw a scowl. When an absolute failure at life judges me, I draw a scowl. Bottom line is this: I’m better than you for a reason. You judge, I crush…fairly simple. Hell, even my lovelife is off limits if I’ve seen you hook up with someone twice despite there being blatant signs of parasitism. Yes, I went there.

Take a risk. Drink to all we’ve lost. Maybe in the end, it’ll all mean something. Skibbedebebop. Much later.

Current Track – Gavin Rossdale “Love Remains the Same”


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