Home Blues

Where has Anthony been? Somewhere in Hawthorne, in perfect isolation from everything that was devastating. Well, almost perfected isolation; three more weeks and it truly will be perfect, at least until the itch settles. I’ve been fighting the urge to hit the salsa floor and end my semi-annual retirement, but I figured this would be the best place for me. I’ve had the privilege of inciting anger over a simple palette of green and white, becoming a martyr in victory and a punching bag in defeat. I like being someone that people can rally around or against; everyone needs a focal point, and I apparently don’t mind wearing Celtics gear in Los Angeles.

Hawthorne is a paradox: it provides both relaxation and odd stress. My mother and I have an amiable relationship except for when I move in for vacation. After that, it’s like hell on Earth. I’m in the way, and it makes her opine I should get out more. I stay out late studying, and my business is put on notice at the company meeting in front of strangers. My sister and I went half on a birthday spa package for her, and she hates it because the last time, someone felt her up. That’s funny, because when we gave her the package two years ago, she enjoyed it tremendously. Yes, she lied to my face after making my sister and me feel like crap. In the process, her homophobic attitude and paranoia about my own “qualities” left me feeling like I had the right idea by quarantining her from the media when I go public. She made a point by saying I’m much more open to things than she’ll ever be, and I think that was an insult. My sister and I do not always see eye to eye, but I’m not a big fan of the crass attitude my mother shows her for seemingly no reason. Yes, in the past, and even in the present (don’t get me started on the future), shenanigans are abundant. At the same time, someone’s alleged preference shouldn’t be considered when judging someone’s character, especially your own kid. Also, being disrespectful after receiving a gift is not cool. Seriously, who receives a gift and starts bitching about her kids not listening? I heard this same story for Christmas a few years ago, and I did not think I’d witness a repeat. Sure enough, yes. From here on out, I doubt I’ll be getting anything personal for her, opting for a plain envelope with money. I’m barely forgiving with people in the real world; after this, there’s no incentive to be forgiving at home.

Speaking of forgiving, I’ve taken the time to try to acknowledge that I work harder than I should, and I’m seeing the fruits of my labor. I check my enrollment daily to see whether new students have signed up. At the moment, I am over half of my maximum capacity, and all seventy-five seats will be filled, plus a few expected adds since I don’t believe I’ll turn many crashers away. Also of note, I’ve steered clear of girls for awhile. Hmmm, maybe my mother was onto something…or maybe she wasn’t. I still have my feelings in a decided place, and if they leave, they leave. If they stay, then I’d welcome that as well. My mind is focused not so much on repairing damage that has been done, but seeing my way through the next challenge, and willing my way to victory. Oh, and willing those around me to victory too, if duty calls. Sure, Skylar and I could tear shit up again in a measured fashion, and I’d like to amicably resolve things with Blondie, as someone so eloquently named her, but I am not in control of either situation, despite my propensity to seize reign. I took a walk around IKEA to see if I could find something to sate my thirst for Rave Green, and I came away with a few ideas. Between the new place, new career, and new spin on being “active”, I am two weeks away from saying “meh, I’m bored.” By then, I’ll have the textbook shipped to me so I can start having fun. Skibbedebebop. Much later.

Current Track – TobyMac “Showstopper”

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