Coin Flip

It all started as a simple coin flip. Pippa or Victoria. Fun vs. stability. Blonde vs. blonde…I think. Yeah, that’s about right.

Last night, I was doing some late work at the office, because I had some catching up to do. Received a text message and immediately guessed who it was. I figured that three weeks was a long enough time to not hear from someone. Sure enough, it was Pippa. She expressed dissent due to the fact I posted our conversation in our journal, mostly because it had her name. I was open to listening, but I declined to comply because I’m not a big fan of taking requests when I haven’t heard from people in a few weeks. Besides, it is my intellectual property, and I do enjoy going back and reading history as it happened without rose tinted lenses. She said that she wanted to get in contact with me, but through happenstance, stumbled upon my blog and was infuriated to see her name and the conversation. While I get that, the fact is, it happened. There were no lies or anything. Intriguingly enough, she said that if she had read my blog earlier while we were dating, it would have helped her understand me more. The rationale was that I’m never more honest than I am here. Interesting thought, but each time I was with her, I did tell her I loved her, which was the truth. Still do love her. I did laugh when she told me that I was aloof when we dated. I shouldn’t take cues from Ryan Reynolds. Unsure whether the conversation ended on a happy note or not because of the obvious tension on my part. If you want to contact a person, you’ll find a way, and she did. Regardless of being on Facebook or not, I never changed or blocked her from my primary modes of connection. I still have feelings for her, and yeah…it hurts. She mentioned she didn’t owe me anything, and as painful as it was, she’s right. At the same time, I owe her less because I gave what I had to give, and at the moment, can’t give anymore. I took a swipe at her relationship status, and she told me that I control the extent of where our relationship goes or something along those lines. She walked out on me twice, last time threatening me with her new paramour. I know what I want, I know it may be awhile before I get there, if I get there at all…but at the moment, I won’t make any sudden movements. I made plenty of overtures in the past; now, I’d like to be chased or pursued.

My favorite scene in the history of life is from the 7th season finale of Scrubs. JD looks at the hospital before he departs, and he sees his future on the screen. He marries Elliot, has a kid, surrounded by his best friends, and that’s that, all set to Peter Gabriel. I cry everytime I see it, because it’s validation that all the hard work will pay off in a satisfying fashion. Before I do anything epic, I always take a drive back to the places where it began, namely South Central Los Angeles. I go back every now and then to appreciate the value of what I’m doing, knowing where I could be if I do not maintain focus. On my iPod, Staind’s “So Far Away” came on, and I broke down. I didn’t see my life as it should be, but I saw everything that led up to this point. The beatings in elementary, the loneliness in middle school, the awkward times in high school, the always stellar grades, and the fact that I was still alone. I then saw the people that came and went, and focused on the people that still stayed. Surprisingly, Skylar was nowhere in the video package in my head. I saw Pippa and Victoria, and the coin flip. I saw the aftermath, I smiled, then saw where the present state of that was. It wasn’t happy, but poetic. I flashed foward to the point where I’m playing Tekken with Brandon and Jordan, then it goes blank. I’m standing there looking at myself in the mirror, still standing out of everything. You know what you must do, and the future is yours. I have my best friends, and I have two girls that I love. One of them, I’d like to have a future with; the question is, which one? Fun vs. stability, and other piqued thoughts.

As for the epic event I was preparing myself for, that’s a funny story that shows that I can be conspired against. I went home earlier this week to have dinner with my mother, and she had an envelope from CSULB. I thought it was my acceptance letter, but I opened it, and there was no letter. What was in there was a hotel booking, itinerary, and a ticket to WrestleMania 26. I’m in Phoenix at the moment distracted from everything that was in Long Beach. My mother said I deserved it, saying Jordan was in on everything. I have tequila, vodka, Cactus Cooler, and three more days where thinking isn’t required. When I come home, I’ll be back on the bench waiting to see which girl is interested. For now, everything else is so far away, because I’m here for wrestling. Skibbedebebop. Much later.

Current Track – Staind “So Far Away”

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