How to Lose a Smile, and Find It

Cutting losses. Trimming fat. Exorcising demons. Those would all be appropriate metaphors for how I’ve been conducting business over the last couple of weeks. I’ve been depressed as sin lately, but my tragic story ends like it should: swiftly, justly, and grossly weird. Somehow, everything relates to a girl or five.

I wasn’t sure if I would get my money back for the class party, and considered abdicating my throne. Elizabeth got my money back, and there is no doubt that I will be defending my title again next semester.

Audy broke my heart. Like every week. I’m starting to feel like I did back in high school: being the male friend that picks the girl up when she’s done with a boyfriend. Not quite good enough to be boyfriend material, but too valuable to discard. She came over last Thursday after I played one hell of a mind game, and we kinda/sorta “intermingled.” By intermingle, it could loosely be described as foreplay that involves wrestling for better position. For the record, I was always in superior position. The highlight is that I had her in a chickenwing and proceeded to lick her. I love my prodigious wrestling skill…armbar! I hate the fact that most girls do not see me as a credible threat. In fact, she felt nothing. I could probably toss her around the room, break a couple bones, and she’d still call me a bitch. I’d come back for punishment, until my ego hits a snag.

My ego hit a snag. She mentioned she felt safe around me because I wasn’t dangerous. As in, I’m not nearly touchy-feely enough to be considered a possible attacker. Thus, snag. I’d normally end our talks with a hug, but I opted for a handshake, which signaled the end of anything we had.

I talked with Kat for the first time in weeks. Small surprise, she came right over and sat on my lap at salsa. It was great catching up with her, and I got the odd feeling she wanted to see me during the break? How so? She conveniently pointed out she hangs out by my house every Friday. Score! That is, if she’s single.

Kat was a conversation point between Maren and me. She mentioned her boobs, which led me to mention that I was checking her out for the whole year and namedropping her as my exotic German girlfriend. Funny shit, I say. She started to get freaked out, but I broke down to super-serial mode telling her how much I would miss her when she leaves for the Deutschland. While we embraced one last time, I whispered something in her ear:

“If you have a fantasy about sleeping with an American before you go home, I’m here for you.”

Final girl on the list is the same girl that cause me to find my smile. I am really enamored with Laura; probably with the exception of lewdness, she’s my equal in every respect. I visit her at work so I can hear her voice; she means that much to me. Thus, I dropped by the burger stand after earning my first two A’s this semester, and conversed with her. We drank cider together…and it was a great. It was freezing, we were tired, and we were about to part ways. One embrace later, and she was heading to the car until…

“HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! This will only take a couple minutes of your time. Laura, I’ve liked you since the first time I met you. I don’t come here for the food; I come here to see you, because you make me feel better about stuff. I want to take you out on a date to see Wicked before it leaves Los Angeles, and to get P.F. Chang’s since you haven’t been there. What do you say?”

“Awww, you make me smile. Maybe, that sounds like fun!”

“Oh no, I want a concrete answer, yes or no.”

I just have to pick the date, and voila, that’s how Anthony regained his smile. The dancers of Long Beach are eternally grateful because of it. Skibbedebebop. Much later.

Current Track – Eric & The Hostiles “Pay the Price”


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