The Day I Reconsidered

I might be clinically depressed. I’ve probably always been this way, but too foolhardy to consider it. This could be all part of a comedy of errors.

From the looks of things, I won’t be complaining about work anytime soon. My rather acerbic demeanor fits in perfectly with my other coworkers. Save my elitist accent, it’s a match made in hell. Speaking of elitists, Jared didn’t like Obama and Clinton because they were “elitists” in his view; hypocrisy notwithstanding, I’d wager it takes one to know one. While the pot was calling the kettle black (and disrespecting Madeleine Albright at the same time), his pick John Edwards committed political suicide. Another victory for me! In hindsight, I was right…like I thought I’d be.

But back to the regularly scheduled program: depression. I seriously considered dropping out and restarting anew at a community college so I can go to Berkeley and have the best time of my life. That’s how depressing my time has been thus far. Twenty years old, single, and relatively friendless (partially because I can’t stand people and the people I’m around are suspicious in an odd way). I’ve effectively buried myself in school and work, and when I’m not doing either, I can’t stand to be around myself. The television grants no favors. I went dancing two nights ago, and I had limited play. Notable, there was a smallish girl there who was well, freaky. It took me about an hour to find my groove, and when I found it, it was relatively fun. Then, the party stopped, people coupled off, leaving me with my car. And it’s one more night up in the canyons…

So that leaves me here, now. Saturday night, all alone, consoling myself with Gregory House. If there’s one thing I could ask for, it’d most likely be a girlfriend or female companion of some sort. Either that, or a time machine, set for Berkeley, Duke, or Harvard in 2006 A.D. I crave a fresh start where I can be an asshole in a new environment…or start pulling towards the center from my far-left leanings. What I desire most is happiness. Having the knowledge of a god is a daunting task; I know too much to have any peace.What I want is affection, companionship, or something of the like. I want to know the feeling of waking up next to a girl and not giving two shits about the news, only caring about what’s in store after school and work. That’s what I want. That’s what I crave. That’s what I desire. Skibbedebebop. Much later.

Current Track – Lil’ Wayne “A Milli”


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