Conspiracy of One: Independence Day at Anime Expo

Sounds like a new stadium was just built, like Invesco Field at Mile High or Giants Stadium at the Meadowlands. Bleh, enough with the smalltalk. It’s Independence Day, and for years I’ve longed to look at the fireworks with my seemingly neurotic girlfriend. Twenty celebrations have passed; have I accomplished my goal?

Of course not. That’s why the Anime Expo exists: an innocuous way to distract geeks from their sad, sad lives.

I originally did not plan on attending this year, but my posse enlisted me to drive. For the first time in months, I left the house before 8am. Not into cosplay, but at the same time, I didn’t want to look “normal”, so I decided to go as an amalgamated wrestler. My trademark wig to shield my identity, Undertaker pendant to look menacing, and CM Punk wrist straps to prove I’m a hypocrite. If anyone has a problem with that, my DX shirt let everyone know how I felt about their opinion…SUCK IT!

Still not entertained, I picked up my buddies and off we went. Situation was sort of awkward, considering I was the only one of my friends that dressed up. Not to mention the fact that I looked positively ridiculous, the sight of four black guys attending a primarily Asian function was humorous.

Ran into Marco…twice. I doubt he expected as much. It’s nice to see how he found work since I retired his ass the hard way. Ran into Stephanie…my friends were shocked that I knew a girl that didn’t want to kill me. Also ran into Kyle, who’s probably on par with me as far as stalking is concerned: as I said, I looked ridiculous, yet incognito. How the hell was I spotted?

Dissecting my group could be done in multiple ways. Jordan and I have been veterans for the last three years; we go out of boredom and weapons. He specializes in reading movies. Yes, he likes subtitles, which disturbs me on many levels. My childhood friend Anthony (whom my friends EGREGIOUSLY declared “#1”) was the most hardcore anime fan in the party, so he elected to disappear and make me reconsider the people I know. Lastly, Jordan brought his cousin Ryan, who was repeatedly victimized by my wit. Since it was his first time, he deserved anything I shot at him.

On to the expo itself, I saw one too many guys cross dressing. I pride myself on being a man whore; I do not pride myself on being misled. After seeing too many instances, I gave up at being…creepy. However, I went back to being an asshole and making dirty comments at every self-loathing cutter that walked by. I felt truly at home being an asshole. I got the gang lost on two or three separate occasions and showed no remorse. When questioned, I whipped out my cane and threatened blood. My natural antagonistic slant entertains us all. But what I did later will raise a few eyebrows for all the wrong reasons.

While in the exhibit hall, my curiosity was stroked a bit, and two of my comrades bought weapons. Ryan bought his first sword, long enough for me to quip he’s overcompensating. Jordan’s building up his collection, now raised to three blades. In other words, we have one guy trying to join the circle, while the other guy bolstered his ranks. How did I join in on the fun?

I purchased a claw and the Soul Edge.

When I saw both weapons, I saw picks that would reflect my personality. I’m no insecure rookie, nor am I trying to get in touch with Japanese culture; I want to cultivate fear. The claw lured me in like nothing I’ve ever seen: three blades calling my name, amplifying a punch to manslaughter. My friends wanted me to have a complete set, but I was weary. I needed something that would strike fear in the hearts of anyone who came near me. Therefore, the Soul Edge is my friend. What’s not to like about a heavy one-eyed sword that steals souls? Suddenly, I get the feeling that it’s going to be a little harder to get on my bad side. A new collection begins. Skibbedebebop. Much later.

Current Track – Ryuichi Takada “The Die is Cast”


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