Conspiracy of One: Seething

When I look in the mirror, I see a hairstyle that was better in concept than it was in practice. But that’s every hairstyle, so I get to laugh it off and see what comes next.

Being a bitter individual allows me to feel situations appropriately, with the liberated rage of a thousand suns. More accurately, I think about my social life, or my relationship status as it appears today. Single. As it has been for the past 20 years. I was digging through my files and found an email Emma sent me when I learned she was dating Umbenhaur. The first thing I noticed was a grammar error that I used to only make while pissed, but it comes more often these days. It took me a bit to digest the feelings I had six, going on seven years ago…the same feelings I’m encountering now. If I’ve learned one thing, it would probably be to avoid any girl who I once liked but is now off the market. Too many feelings flood my mind when I see them now.

Cases in point, Christine and Katherine have been in my thoughts recently, and I can’t say they’ve been pleasant. My eyes grow heavy, focused, crimson. Maybe because both of them are off the market officially, crushing vague thoughts I may have had of rekindling what never existed. One minute, I’m daydreaming in a meadow of serenity; the next, I’m channeling fire through seams caused by raw passion. It’s scary when fire is my emotion, because that means I’m pissed off more than anything. A good sign would have been telekinesis; fire means I’ve stepped into the darkness and didn’t bother looking back. Sort of like Superman-Prime.

Moreover, I need a job. Desperately. The sooner I get back to work, the sooner I can live off my own sweat and stop concentrating on what I’ve been able to block out. That, and the fact that I get better grades when work stresses me out. Skibbedebebop. Much later.

Current Track – Toploader “Dancing In the Moonlight”


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