Conspiracy of One: Saving the World and WrestleMania XXIV

Am I a hero? If I am, I don’t want to be. I’d rather be the cocky jerk that I’ve perfected over the years. It’s supposed to be my legacy, my claim to fame. Yep, I’m supposed to be last resort kind of guy, the person that can lead an onslaught, but wouldn’t really trust unless absolutely necessary. Well, over the last week, I’ve been exactly that guy while dealing with my own set of personal demons.

I don’t sleep much. I barely eat. I’m not even kicking ass in my classes anymore. I’m unemployed. I don’t know where my income is coming from, nor do I understand how I’ll pay for school next year. I may just skip Comic-Con because I lost my contacts when I lost my job. Hell, the job said they didn’t fire me; I quit for personal reasons. Most importantly, I haven’t lost a step in my train of thought. Success at a frenetic pace. It starts from the basics, like watching a pay-per-view with friends and having a genuinely good time.

Really? I quit? For personal reasons? How the fuck is that possible?

Brandon, Jordan, Kristen, and I headed to watch WrestleMania XXIV. It was a great show. Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair in a career-ending match. We all knew how it was going to end. However, we didn’t know how beautifully crafted the match would be. Shawn Michaels mouthing “I’m sorry, I love you” to his crying, defeated mentor just before the Heartbreak Kid delivered the third and final Sweet Chin Music to the legendary Ric Flair. Standing ovation and tears flowed freely afterwards. A well-crafted match that was only demurred by questionable card placement. Then again, Brandon noted that if it had been later, it would’ve overshadowed everything by a long shot. The rest of the card wasn’t too shabby, but not enough to be considered the creme de la creme in comparison to the Michaels/Flair classic. May God bless the Nature Boy. Moving on…

The real fun came in later that night, as we’re trying to figure out how to continue our night. However, there were a few kinks that Brandon and Kristen had to work out, as all couples do. To my delight, it was over taking a road trip to Union Station to pick up Kristen’s friend. Now, thinking quickly (and blindly, for that matter), I offered to pack up the gang for a quick excursion to Downtown L.A. Not exactly the best idea I’ve had, but it seemed pretty good. Spontaneity isn’t something I’ve lost.

When it was all said and done, it was time for Jordan and I to head back to our neck of the woods. He mentioned something about me being an asshole, yet doing anything for my friends if needed. Not the first time the thought came to my head…where’s the Wayback Machine?

Just recently this week, I opted to help Jared end something of a relationship…I can’t describe it because it’d give me a splitting headache. Being a friend is a thankless title that deserves compensation. So, I’m dealing with something resembling a love triangle, while wanting to pretty much shoot everyone in sight. I predicted that anything attempted would not succeed, and I’ll be damned if I start being wrong now. Sure enough, I’m right, he’s wrong, they’re wrong, I’m right…you get the picture. Jared says I should get off my high horse of thought considering I’ve never been in a relationship. I retort that while I have deficiencies in that area, I seem to have full brain capacity and common sense. In a further stroke to my ego, both of his…liaisons alert me that he’s shared *my* insights with both of them, and they both feel I’m right.

This is pretty heady considering that they both think that I hate them. Far from it: I hate when they’re with Jared, because somehow, “love” can make people extremely silly. I think now, I have something resembling a friendship with both of them, and if they consider my thought to be correct and stay away from Jared, my bliss will be unparalleled.

And I act in the name of friendship, yet people consider me the Antichrist.

For starters, my future son Percival Benoit will bear the title of “Percy the Antichrist”, so hold the praise. Now, I have to fully rest up, because I also have nagging pains and all of the aforementioned problems to confront. Next on the list…find Liz and sue Starbucks!

See? I still have my sense of humor…and vengeful justice. Skibbedebebop. Much later.

Current Track – Theory of a Deadman “No Chance in Hell”


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