Conspiracy of One: Idiots on Christmas

The holidays are by far my least favorite time of year. I can’t stand the merriment, the false charity, and seeing noble trees being bastardized by ludicrous ornaments. But I’m not the Grinch. I just can’t buy into the holiday that has been so radically commercialized. That, and I’m single. No mistletoe for me. Blast.

Christmas was bittersweet; I opened my presents in the morning, went to work in the afternoon. I can say I dig what I received: underwear, Nas’ latest album, and Superman Returns. On top of that, I received plenty of the green paper that makes the world go around. However, there was a negative side: going to work.

It seems like people can be real assholes on Christmas day. Why the hell do you come to Starbucks on Christmas anyway? Did you hear from a bird that I might be having a semi-decent day? If that’s the case, no wonder why you flipping customers were there to piss me off. Also, the day before…the horror, the horror. Who comes to a store that is obviously closed? THE LIGHTS ARE OFF, DAMN IT; WHAT’S SO HARD TO COMPREHEND? We have families lives, too; being at Starbucks to serve your insignificant whims isn’t on top of the totem pole. Assclowns. However, it was very pleasurable locking the door in a customer’s face after she called to enquire about closing time. I told her point blank that if she didn’t show up in eight minutes, she’d be out of luck. She showed up eight minutes, thirty seconds later. Haha. I’m not a bad person; I just get a kick out of others’ misfortunes.

Which is why I was without power for the whole day yesterday. It was dark, cold, and hell, I still haven’t eaten. Oh well. Do I dare disturb the universe? Of course.

Speaking of disturbing the universe, Stephanie called me on Christmas night. Finally, someone intelligent to converse with…hell, she was the only person from the school that called. I guess that serves as motivation to get my doctorate and gloat. May peace come to fruition on Earth, my sister stop mooching from my wallet, and the world quake when I disturb that peace for which I had wished. Skibbedebebop. Much later.

Current Track – Nas “Black Republican”


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